III. Singing At Sea
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that we humans one day finally figure out what all of this means. I don’t mean in a religious sense, I mean if and when we finally figure out the laws of the universe. The laws of time and space. Energy and radiation. Light and darkness. Matter and antimatter. All of these mysterious things that are proven to exist yet we know so little about. Even then, with all of that knowledge and means of obtaining more, will we ever truly understand the immense intricacies of the heart and mind in terms of love? And if we ever truly understand time, will we ever know for sure if something or someone is worth waiting for?
This is something I’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to ponder a few times this past several months. I find someone who I am able to open up to. Someone who eases the anxieties and depression. Only to find out that for whatever reason, they are not ready. Usually stemming from ex-boyfriend issues. Thank you, douche bags. Thank you. I don’t want to be specific because my issue is not with a certain girl. It’s with the battle within myself. The never ending struggle between walking away as to not set myself up for almost certain disappointment, or to wait it out with the hope of almost certain happiness. I believe it is that prospect of happiness, as dim as it may be, that forces myself to go through with the waiting game. Which is absurd in a way because I’m not even sure if I’m happy with myself. Who’s to say I can ever be happy with someone else? Quite the mind fuck.
In any case, I can’t imagine I will ever give up on love and the pursuit of it. I have felt it before in small doses and it’s incredible. Something well worth fighting for.
Ash to Ashes 
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